They're Throwing Snowballs in Hell Right Now...

A few things are about to happen that I have to tell you about. Number 1, my hometown Cubbies are going to win next season’s World Series. Number 2, my 4-year-old son is going to stop screaming “VAGINA!” 18 times a day at random intervals. And, Number 3, my 2-year-old son is going to start sleeping through the night, every single night, for the rest of his life.

All of these things are definitely going to happen…because Hell has officially frozen over.

How do I know this? Well, I’m going off of what has happened to my little ole blog over the past week.

The BIG news, and the event that really sent Satan running to Nordstroms for new Uggs, is this:

I WAS PICKED AS A FINALIST IN BLOGGER IDOL 2012!!!!!

Yep, that whole thing I posted a few weeks ago about channeling my Inner Rockstar and reaching for new heights with my writing and making out with Bono…

Wait, what?

Sorry. Bono fantasy distracted me again.

Anyway, all that stuff I wrote for my Blogger Idol audition obviously fooled, I mean impressed, those judges, because they picked me (and 12 others—see below) out of 167 auditions to compete for a MONSTER HUGE basket of chocolate. (Yeah, there are other prizes, too, and some really cool ones, but I can only focus on the chocolate. Check out the Blogger Idol website to see what else there is to win.)

So, as soon as I finish bragging about myself here, I’m off to write my first assignment post of the competition. And come Wednesday, I’ll be all over facebook and twitter begging you to haul ass over to their website to vote for me.

Because I really want that chocolate.

But, believe it or not, THAT’S NOT ALL!

Remember me?

Earlier this week I received an email from my favorite online magazine for moms, BonBon Break. And guess what? They want to feature my RabidRaccoon/Deadly Spider/Chupacabra post in one of their upcoming issues! You should check them out—they’ve always got a ton of great stuff over there and I’m honored that they want to include me. I’ll let you know when my post goes live.

So, all of that is pretty exciting and unbelievable right? BUT THERE’S EVEN MORE!

My friend Andi-Roo at http://www.theworld4realz.com nominated me for the Liebster Award! The Liebster Award is granted to up and coming bloggers with fewer than 200 followers who deserve some recognition and support to keep on blogging. And she picked me! (Well, she picked 11 people, but I was one of them!)

The Liebster Award comes with a few rules, which I am going to bend. But I can do that, because I am a Blogger Idol 2012 finalist. WE MAKE OUR OWN RULES!

Ahem.

Anyway, when you are nominated, you are then expected to nominate 11 other bloggers who you feel deserve the recognition. Then you have to answer 11 questions from the person who nominated you, and ask 11 new questions of the bloggers you nominated.

But, did I mention that I’m a Blogger Idol 2012 finalist? I have stuff to do, people. There’s a huge-ass basket of chocolate on the line. So with apologies to Andi-Roo, instead of nominating 11 blogs I’m going to point you toward the other 12 Blogger Idol 2012 finalists. There’s some scary-good writing on these blogs, and you should go read them and then NOT tell me about it because I am still working under the delusion that the basket o’ chocolate could be mine. And, because I know the pressure they are now under as Blogger Idol 2012 finalists (oh, yeah, did I mention I’m one too?), I am not going to give them new questions to answer.

So, here are the official 13 Blogger Idol 2012 finalists:

1. Pile Of Babies
2. My Rad Dad
3. Crazed in the Kitchen—THAT’S ME, PEOPLE! ME!!!
4. The Real Matt Daddy
5. Forever 51
6. Martinis and Minivans
7. Dad And Buried
8. The Mother Freaking Princess
9. Crazy Dumbsaint of the Mind

10. Edward Hotspur
11. Ice Scream Mama
12. Manderstanding
13. Random Thoughts n Lotsa Coffee

Now for my answers to Andi-Roo’s questions. Keepin’ it short but sweet here. Chocolate, remember?

You can have a half-hour conversation with anyone no longer living. Who do you choose? Why?

Definitely my mom. Because lately I’ve had this awesome latent memory come up of being 4 or 5 and eating graham crackers covered with some incredible peanut butter frosting. I’d really like to get that recipe. (There are other reasons I’d like to talk to her, of course, but that one is really bugging me these days.)

You can have a half-hour conversation with any fictional character. Who do you choose? Why?

Scarlett O’Hara. The end of Gone With the Wind haunts me to this day. I’d ask her what happened next.

Of these four characters, which do you most resemble in your own life?

— The Protagonist (Shit just happens when you’re around.): Dorothy / Harry Potter

— The Brains (You think of ways to avoid / escape the shit.): Scarecrow / Hermione Granger

— The Heart (Everyone loves you when the shit hits the fan.): Tin Woodman / Ron Weasley

— The Hero (“Who’s a coward now that shit just got REAL, bitches?”): Cowardly Lion / Neville Longbottom

Definitely The Protagonist. But mostly because I’ve always wanted to be Dorothy.

What made you choose your current Twitter avi?

Um, ‘cause it’s the best picture of me I could find, and I look way cuter in it than I usually do in real life. Duh. 

What’s your blood type? Just kidding. Trick question. Now go pee in a cup. I’M JOKING. Gosh, why so freaking serious? For realz this time: Are you down with True Blood?

Nope. My vampire love begins and ends with Twilight.  

How many pairs of shoes do you have? Don’t lie. It’s good to feel the shame. Let it burn.

It’s more embarrassing to admit that I only have like 6 right now. And 4 of them are sneakers. Pregnancy was not kind to my feet. When I go back to work I’ll have to buy some “normal” shoes, I guess.

Pushpins? Or dry erase markers?

Pushpins.

You’re throwing darts at your favorite local pub. Your choice: Are you tossing at a corkboard or one of those plastic mechanical pieces of crap?

HA HA HA HA HA HA “favorite local pub.” I have 2 kids and no life. But if you came to my house and installed a dartboard, I guess I’d have to say corkboard.

How often do you utilize your local library? What materials do you check out? Books, CDs, books on CD, DVDs… some even carry video games…

The kids and I go almost weekly. We mostly check out kids’ books about trucks and space and volcanoes.

Be honest: Did you, or did you not, read and adore “Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret” by Judy Blume? Best book EV.ER, #AmIRight ? Is there a male equivalent, anyone? #AskingForAFriend

I was an over-achiever at reading and read that book when I was in second grade. I had NO IDEA what this period thing was, so I asked my mom and then the whole book made a lot more sense.

Chinese or Mexican? I know, it’s a toss-up. CHOOSE. My dinner might just depend upon your answer.

Chinese. Unless it’s Mexican. Blogger Idol 2012 finalists are allowed to be fickle like that. And it doesn’t really matter, because all I want to eat is CHOCOLATE!!!